How To Recognise Your Self-Worth // 11 Steps


Realising our own self-worth is a journey, for many of us, it is lifelong. Recognising our beauty, our worth and accepting that we are deserving of love isn't something that comes with the click of our fingers. It can take years of working on yourself, spending time with yourself and really exploring yourself until you reach that point of such indescribable inner happiness where you are able to wake up each morning, look in the mirror and say, "Yes, I am good enough."

Once you begin recognising the value that your life holds and appreciating how much you are worth, everything else falls into place. No matter what is happening around you, if you love yourself and realise how special you are, you'll always have inner peace and no one will be able to take that away from you. 
Recognising your worth also boosts your confidence and self-esteem, without which, you are left second-guessing yourself, constantly feeling inadequate, questioning whether you look acceptable, questioning how others will interpret everything you say and doubting your own abilities to achieve. However, once your confidence and self-esteem rise, you believe in your own beauty, you are able to see the good things in yourself that others see in you, you are able to act and speak normally without considering the consequences and you can carry yourself through everyday life with your head held high and a smile on your face, all of these things are things you deserve to do and feel.

But, as human beings, we aren't typically great at giving ourself credit. We consider it 'selfish' to love ourselves and 'arrogant' to be confident. We're scared to admit that we look good and fearful of being proud in case it comes across as conceited or as if we feel others are subservient. These ideas are so toxic and ones which we need to let go of.

In a bid to help you on your journey to recognising your self-worth, I've put together a list of 10 tips, all of which will change your mindset for the better, should you choose to follow them, and help you, little by little, day by day, build up your perception of yourself.

1) Get in touch with your thoughts and feelings
Self-worth requires you to be in touch with how you're feeling on the inside. Many of us often choose to ignore our emotions, perhaps because we're scared of what the outcome will be if we actually allow our thoughts to consume us and if we fully acknowledge how we're feeling. Your thoughts and feelings are there for a reason. Let them in and trust them too. How you're feeling is valid and real. Listen to your own mind and heart and respond accordingly. Nobody knows you better than you do.

2) Don’t see yourself through the eyes of people who don’t know you 
You are not the opinions of those who do not know you. We encounter people who judge us most days of our life, whether that's in person or online, but it's important to remember that these people are in no position to form a well-rounded view of us. They do not know our stories, what we've been through or the reasons why we are how we are. Therefore, a short tweet from a person telling us they don't like our outfit or a snarky, flippant comment from a classmate, work colleague or passerby, should not dent our opinions of ourself. These people do not deserve for you to think so highly of their negativity. Do not give them the satisfaction of denting your confidence. Do not see yourself through the eyes of strangers, only you know you.

3) Stop comparing yourself to people social media

Social media is not real life. Every profile we visit online is a sensationalised, fabricated version of the positive things in people's lives. No one is dressed up to the nines 24/7, no one is optimistic 24/7, no one is doing interesting things with fascinating people 24/7. Don't compare how you feel sitting in bed with messy hair and a cup of tea at 8am to how that one celebrity must have felt in those two seconds when they took a selfie in front of the Eiffel Tower with their partner. Instagram is a virtual world, it is not fully reflective of the real world in which we actually live. Don't base your perception of yourself around how Instagram and Twitter make you feel. No one is posting their failures or their bad days, which everyone has more often than you think. The sooner you learn to rid your life of comparison between you and the influencers, bloggers, celebrities and affluent business people you follow online, or even just your closest friends, the quicker you will reach your destination of inner happiness. 

4) Keep reminding yourself of how well you're doing

Another thing we're not skilled at as humans is telling ourselves how well we are doing. Life is so complex, so challenging, so hard, so draining, therefore, just existing through each day and actually getting things done is an achievement, something we don't realise. Start giving yourself credit for the small things, even if that's just getting out of bed in the morning, because that can be a mammoth task. Remind yourself that you're doing an amazing job existing in a society that can be so exhausting and one that wants you to constantly conform or fit into a box. Start celebrating all tiny victories and you'll quickly realise you're achieving more than you think. Sure, you may not have done the big things yet, but you're getting there, and the small things you're doing are just as worthy of recognition and praise. 

5) Remind yourself of the goals you’ve achieved
When you're on the road to achieving a new goal and ticking one more thing off your bucket list, you'll probably have moments of doubt and even moments of wanting to just admit defeat entirely. Don't do that. Instead, enjoy a minute of self reflection and look back at how far you've come. You may not be at your final destination just yet, but you've battled through so much and done great things along the way so far. You may not have achieved this new thing, but all those old things you've achieved in your life? They are so incredible! Just because you haven't reached the finish line just yet, that doesn't make you a failure or that you're incapable - you have shown how capable you are right from the day you were born as you've been achieving things ever since! This new goal may seem far away and the obstacles in front of you may be tough but the proof that you will overcome them lies in all the times you have carried on when all you wanted to do was give up.

6) Accept compliments from other people
What do you do when someone gives you a compliment? The likelihood is that you either a) start blushing and look down at the ground, b) laugh it off, c) compliment the other person instead or d) refuse to accept what they're saying about you is true. These are all difficult habits to unlearn, especially when we've almost been socialised to believe that accepting compliments is 'wrong' and 'bigheaded.' However, once you learn to accept compliments, your life will become so much happier. Of course, other people's opinions do not define us, however, there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying the feeling of somebody saying something nice about you. So, learn to be just as willing to accept compliments as you are to dish them out. Next time someone tells you that you're beautiful, that you're funny, smart, kind, loving or inspiring, say, "thank you" and never let anyone make you feel ashamed of doing so. Also, compliment YOURSELF! There's nothing wrong with looking in the mirror and saying, "I love myself" and there's no greater feeling than believing it.

7) Don't speak negatively of yourself
How you speak of and to yourself matters and if you have negative thoughts, they will consume you and become you. Do not give them that power. Each time a negative thought enters your brain, push it away. This will take practice, especially when self-deprecating humour is such a big thing in society today. However, the more you practice, the better you will become at ignoring negative thoughts, therefore, you will be able to see yourself in a more positive light. Don't allow you to tell you that you're not good enough, don't put yourself down and don't speak to yourself in a way that you wouldn't speak to someone else. Happy thoughts lead to a happy mindset and, ultimately, a happy life. Like I say, it will be hard, harder for some than others, but just try telling yourself one positive thing every day. Compliment your own outfit, tell yourself that you can do that thing you've been trying to convince yourself that you can't... one day at a time.

8) Let go of the past
Move on from the past - you don't live there anymore! Your past does not and should not define you so don't waste time mulling over past mistakes, because we all make them, it's part of being human! Don't let the 'what ifs' get you down, don't waste time imagining what could have been. Instead, love and enjoy what IS and celebrate the person you have become. Your past has shaped you into the entity you are in this very moment and everything you've been through has made you stronger, more aware, more intelligent and more YOU. You are not your past and you can move on to bigger and better things. Learn to forgive yourself and let go of any negative energy that the past has been forcing you to harbour. Your past cannot be changed but the future CAN.

9) Find something you LOVE and do it!
What is something you absolutely love to do? What's something you're good at? Whatever it is, do it and do it often, without shame! Whatever your passions are, throw yourself into them fully and don't hold back when it comes to expressing the happiness they bring you. Having a hobby is a great way of realising your self-worth and a great way to truly explore yourself as a person. Don't have a hobby? Don't know what you're good at? Well, find something! Try new things without fear and adventure out into new, foreign realms until you find something that gives you purpose. Nothing is too abstract, too crazy or too mundane, if it makes you happy, do it!

10) Understand the importance of self-care
There is nothing more important in this world than taking care of yourself. YOU are your number one priority because, at the end of the day, you were born with yourself, you are living with yourself every day and you shall die with yourself. Through thick and thin, you have been there for yourself. Therefore, taking care of yourself is essential. Looking after others is great, however, you can't do that to the greatest ability unless you are on top form. Spend time with yourself, take care of your brain, (because mental health is just as important as physical health) nourish your body and surround yourself with positive energy.

11) Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you
Who you spend time with will, ultimately, impact on how you view yourself. Choose your circle carefully and surround yourself with people who want to uplift you, support you and motivate you, not ones who plant seeds of self-doubt in your mind or who put you down in a bid to bring themselves up. Be with people who add to your environment synergistically and stay close to anyone who makes you feel glad to be alive. Those people, the positive ones, will give you a boost and seeing people you spend time with achieve and hearing them speak optimistically will help you form a higher opinion of yourself. Of course, nobody is positive all the time and it'd be impossible to befriend anyone who is - because those people don't exist! Everyone has down days, however, you need to think about who you're spending time with and, if they're having a detrimental effect on your mental state, is that friendship really worth it in the long run?

You are so deserving of self-love and worth.

Love, Emily 

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